Phukradueng and Turkey Day

Sometimes, we have girls leave Rahab, go back to the bars. Normally it is out of desperation for money. Money controls people and I have never seen it more controlling than I do in Thailand. Nang is one of our ladies. She joined Rahab about 1 1/2 months ago. She is an incredibly beautiful young woman from Isaan. If you'll remember Isaan is the poorest provence of Thailand. She came to be a prostitute in Patpong because her family was in desperate need of money. They were in debt to many people, so they decided to make a deal with a loan shark. Nang became a sort of security on the loan. She would work and pay off the loan, and if it wasn't paid well the loan shark, in a way, would own her. It is a sick situation that happens more often than anyone even realizes. So Nang came to Bangkok in search of work. She ended up in the bars because she would be able to make the most money with her education level. It is unfortunate, but most of the bar girls in Patpong only have up to an 8th grade education. She worked in the bars for a fewmonths before Rahab found her. She decided to leave and make jewelry with us and search out her options for other trades she could do in order to help pay off her family's debt. She was such a joy to have around....every day she would ask me how I was. Always caring about everyone around her. I could tell that she really enjoyed her surroundings.

About 2 weeks ago Nang went to visit her village. We hadn't seen her since, at least not until Tuesday. Every tuesday night is bar night, so we went to one of the bars in the area and she was there. Dancing on the stage. I blinked a few times, trying to focus on what I was seeing. Confusion and denial started to overwhelm my mind. No, no, that could be Nang. As soon as her shift was up for dancing she ran over to greet us. I couldn't believe it. It was really her. She started to explain her situation and how unhappy she was.

This was all translated to me...but you can get the jist of what they are talking about because of their animation and hand movements. It was intense. She was so upset that she had to come back to the bars, but her family had told her that she wasn't making enough money, and they needed more. So, she needed to do what she did before. (just a note: sometimes Thai families know what their daughters, wives, and moms are doing, but for the most part, no one really knows, and if they do, it is ignored) Her family had forced her back into prostitution because of their poor financing and choices. My heart was broken for her. We made it very clear that she was welcome to come back to Rahab and have lunch with us or come and pray with us, whatever she wanted. She was welcome. We were there to support her. She was ashamed though. It was pretty obvious thatwe will have to assure her even more before she will come back even for a visit. It was really tough....really tough. You just want to save them all. Pay off their debt and hope that they never, ever have to sell themselves again, but it doesn't work like that. They will either create more debt or they will then believe that their child, mom, or daughter is now making very good money and so she will be expected to send even more home. It is a vicious cycle.

When you start a week like that, you just want to be with family. Especially on Thanksgiving. This year, though, I would have to settle for the 90 degree humid land of Thailand. I didn't even think celebrating it was going to happen, but I was happily surprised. I ended up getting asked by an American missionary that I had met at church if I wanted to come over and have thanksgiving with them. I have to say it was an incredible thanksgiving. For 5 hours I forgot I was in Thailand. I was submersed into southern accents and good southern cooking. There were about 40 people there. All missionaries. All coming together to support each other and build community. A pot luck to show how much they appreciate each other. It was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better gift. We even had pumpkin pie. It is so neat to see the community and family that some organizations have. They didn't want anyone to be alone on thanksgiving. Everyone was connected. It felt like family in a way. I even got to play 2 rounds of Apples to Apples (one of my family's favorite games) and I even won(for the first time ever).

PhuKradueng:

I ended the week with an adventure. I met up with a thai girl and two girls, teaching at an international school (one canadian, one american) and headed up to Northern Thailand. We took a night bus (2 buses/8 hours) to Isaan to visit a National Park called Phu (mountain in Thai) Kradueng. Okay so I don't remember what Kradueng means. Sorry! Anyways, so we trekked up the mountain for about 6 miles. It was a pretty intense hike. The trails were small and steep and sometimes even had ladders just to get you to the next point. It was funny though, because about every km or so there would be a few restaurant stalls and bathrooms. Thai people are all about their food. They don't really go far without it. haha.

So, even though it was 6 miles and pretty intense, you could break 4 different times along the way. So, not to worry if your tired. Just get to the next resting point and stay as long as you like. It was funny, not at all how we do things in Colorado. There is only one trail up so it took us almost 5 hours. There were many people hiking and another thing about Thailand, you don't carry your stuff up. Someone takes it up for you. They strap many things to both sides of a bamboo pole, put a small pad for their shoulders on it, and hike all your stuff up for you. It was strange and made me feel really bad, but then I had to remember that this is how they make their living. This is what they do to survive.

So you shared the trail with the luggage carriers, the people walking with you and the people headed down the trail. At times it seemed a bit insane.

When we made it to the top, I felt more accomplished than I ever have before on a hike. Amazing how 6 miles can do that to you in Thailand.

We got to the top which is more like a plateau, found the camping area, got all of our stuff arranged, and headed to a nearby cliff on some bikes we rented to see the sunset. It was incredible. The bright orange sun coasting down below the mountains. You could see the mountain range and a large part of Isaan spread out before you. It was beautiful.

After dinner at a restaurant stall near our campsite...haha you will have to see pictures to see what camping in Thailand is really like....it is amusing....so, after dinner we went to bed. It was super dark and we hardly slept on the bus ride there, so

we were all ready for a good night's rest.

We woke up at 5am for the sunrise and walked to another cliff to watch. It was even more beautiful than the sunset. We grabbed a cup of coffee....yes, I know...really roughing it in Thailand, eh?.....and sat and watched the sun come up. It was bright and pink and orange...and the clouds around it were rimmed in the different colors.

We headed back to camp, packed, sent our stuff down, and hopped on some more bikes for a long bike around the top of the mountain. This was pretty much mountain biking with no helmet and a rickety old mountain bike that made you feel like it would fold under your weight. We squeaked along to a nearby waterfall and snapped a few pics, then headed off to the cliffs. Most of the cliffs are connected by trails so you can ride the trails along the edge of the mountain. It is breathtaking. For miles you ride and see mountain ranges and Thai towns down below. Pictures don't do it justice, but that seems to be the case no matter where you go.

After biking for awhile, we headed back down the mountain and spent the rest of the day in my Thai friend's village. I learned that Village in Thailand actually can mean anything for the hut kind of village to a neighborhood. Her village was a neighborhood. It was filled with people that were anxious to meet the white foreigners. We were greeted with a meal from a funeral procession. We met all of her family and learned that she was related to most of her village. They all worked together to make sure everyone was fed and cared for and even built houses and such for each other. They were a real community...looking out for each other. No one was without. It was really neat to see. We even visited her family's rice fields and watched them cut and collect the rice. I felt like I was really in Thailand. Living in the city is such a small piece of what Thailand is like. It was so nice to escape the hustle and bustle of the city and see what life was like for the people in Isaan. To really understand where most of the ladies of Rahab come from.

I arrived home at 4am this morning...thinking about how little time I have left here. Only two weeks. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. I am trying not to think about it too much, but it will definitely be hard to leave these people that have grown so dear to my heart.

Until next week.....

Laura

Blur...

This week was really tough on me. It got to a point where the exhaustion, the emotions and the interruptions were unbearable. I spent my few moments of silence wishing that I could just be at home. In my comfortable life. Where my shower is clean, I don’t have to watch my every step, a place, where I can fully be myself and feel perfect bliss.

It’s funny, though, because the more I thought about it the more I remembered my conversation that I had with my mom when I told her I was coming to Thailand. I told her I didn’t want to be comfortable anymore. I was done with the mundane life I was living and I was ready for a good challenge. Something to wake me up…help me to feel alive again. So, here I am complaining about being uncomfortable, when all along it is what I wanted. I know, I know, so just stop complaining Laura…

I wish I could say it was that easy. I have been reading this book called Secondhand Jesus. (thank you Vickie and Jackie) It is a book that really questions if you know where you stand in your own faith. If you have been believing someone else’s’ idea of who Jesus/God is or if you have built enough of a relationship with Him to really know for yourself. This week I was reading about the rumor that God wants us all to be happy and live lives of success and joy. I realized that it was in perfect line with how my week was going. It was a struggle, this week, and all I wanted was to feel comfortable. Isn’t that what God wants too? He doesn’t want me to suffer right? He doesn’t want me to feel exhausted every time I wake up? He doesn’t want me to see women getting abused and being disrespected to unfathomable degrees? Right?

It all brought me back to something that I always say to people…especially when I feel they aren’t walking the walk. Hah, but really I should take my own advice. I mean I kinda believed it before, but now, it seems so real, so truthful and something I should be acting on everyday. God calls us to take up our cross and follow him. The cross is a symbol of suffering. Something that is heavy and hard to bear, and yet, we are supposed to pick up our heavy cross, each day and follow Him. Experience a life that isn’t easy. That isn’t comfortable, that isn’t always filled with success and prosperity. Sucks, huh?! Well at least that is how I felt about it this week. God was asking me to pick up my cross and continue to serve the people of Thailand, and I was stuck thinking of ways to make myself more comfortable. Ways that I could serve myself and feel good about myself. It was a fight…and when you’re already tired. It is a battle you are bound to lose. I broke, I surrendered my desires, my wants, my hopes, and dreams all to God. Told Him to take it all and I would follow Him. I would be willing to bear my cross and continuing serving the people here. Don’t get me wrong, it is the farthest thing from easy to surrender, but the joy, the hope, the peace amidst the rough week seemed to settle in. I started to realize what it meant when my pastor said that we are to rest with God through the storm…..Life will rarely be easy….how will you react to your lack of comfort, your lack ease?...

The Bars this week felt heavy and it took everything in my not to go and yell at the foreign men I see in them weekly. To tell them how destructive they are being to themselves, these girls, and their families at home. I have to restrain myself sometimes….bite my lip and pray that I don’t punch someone. It’s awful. I am there to love the ladies in the bars. To talk with them about their families and portray the care that Rahab as an organization has for them. This week, maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe the heaviness I felt, I’m not really sure, but I cringed at every man in the place. All touching the women in horrifying ways, asking favors of them that I had never in my life seen or heard of, asking them to really work for the money they were about to spend on them. Ahhh!! It is killer to hear…especially when you recognize it as an American accent. The reminder that I live in the country and love the country that these men come from. It is a harsh reality.

I was feeling the heat and anger build towards these men, and I realized that I had forgotten to pay attention to the women there. I was sitting with 3 women that spoke a few phrases of English and they were all so beautiful. When the women of Patpong smile, and I mean really smile…not the seductive smile they use on the customers, but smile from deep within, it is the most beautiful thing. One of them was having a deep conversation with my Thai outreach partner. Now, I wish that you all could know what it is like to see emptiness in someone’s eyes, maybe some of you do, but this girl…she started the conversation with the same blank stare you get from all of them…and then a spark lit. I am not kidding. Something had grabbed hold of her attention. Something that made her feel. Feel emotions she hadn’t felt in a very long time. I don’t know a word of what was being said, but I could tell, something was said that began breaking down the wall she had built up for herself. The wall that had created a numbness in the midst of intense pain and suffering. She had to leave us to go up and dance for her 15min shift. I watched as she barely moved. Her mind was elsewhere….feeling, thinking about the things that had been said. The spark in her eye was so evident though…something made her different from the other girls now. It was awe-inspiring…we hope to return and see what continues with her.

The rest of my week was a blur of craziness and so much multi-tasking I thought my head was going to explode, but I made it through. I even picked up an accounting duty where I get to organize all of the donations into excel spreadsheets. Funny thing is, I actually enjoy it. I guess I just like a little variety.

My hair class went well this week. I can’t believe I have only 3 weeks left. It is insane. Where did time go? I love seeing the ladies grow in their confidence and I challenge them to help each other learn as well as try to broaden their skill set with my own knowledge of updos and makeup. It is fun to see them being creative. Thai culture teaches you to not be creative. You are only there to soak in knowledge, to soak in your surroundings…you don’t really create anything on your own. Not saying that never happens here, it is just that they have been brought up believing that they can’t be creative or really think for themselves. It is sad. I have to say hairdressers can’t be like that though…that is why I am trying with all my might to get them thinking again. To allow them to figure out the way they think they would do things. It is really fun to watch.

My exhaustion leaves me with not a lot to say…I don’t remember a lot of the week. It was jam-packed and I was tired. I spent the majority of the weekend resting though…ready to conquer another week…or at least I hope…..

Fan Death and Cockroaches...

Today a mixture of Korean and Thai Facts:

1. I just can't get over this one, so I have to share it. Koreans believe that if you are in a room with no windows or sealed windows and a fan is on, you will die. Funny huh? They have warnings on the tags of fans that you can die from Fan Death. Jackie even showed me a video of an English teacher in Korea trying to prove that it was impossible to die from a fan, no matter what the case. They think that it will suck all the oxygen out of the room and then create enough carbon dioxide to kill you. The other way you can die of Fan Death is the fan apparently creates enough coolness to get your body temperature down to a state where you can die of hypothermia. haha...I am sorry, but it was so funny. They even have timers on their fans to prevent either case from happening. Look it up on Wikipedia or You Tube if you want to know more.

2. Koreans don't steal things...at least not like in Thailand. Jackie and I could leave our purses at the table and go and get our food, that isn't a possibility in Thailand. In fact today, I sat in a bus seat with a stab mark in it. No joke. Sarah said that one time, on the bus, she felt someone tug at her bag. Once she got off she realized that someone had tried to cut it open. There was a gash in the back. I mean, seriously people! It was so odd to be able to leave my things around in Korea. In Thailand I have to hug my bag tight to my body. It is a necessity!

3. I have no idea how to explain this, and I may have said something like it before, but it is a daily problem, so I will state it again. Thais and Koreans...maybe other Asian cultures as well, they just have no concept of thinking about anyone but themselves. It is so odd. I go up to pay for something at the cashier, and no joke, I am 2 feet behind the person in front of me, and two people jump right in front of me. Not like slide in front of you smoothly or anything, they literally push me out of the way, so they can pay first. What the heck people!? I was struggling to not get frustrated to say the least. They also frequently stop in front of you while you are walking in a mall and such and look over in the window and start doing their hair and makeup and stuff. Men too! It is the craziest thing. You have to be on full alert all the time or you run into them. It is psychotic!

This week, I was a walking Zombie. I came back from Korea and realized that I may have stayed up too late every night. Haha, but you know what, it was worth every minute! My friend Jackie and I got to poke fun at Korean and Thai culture and reminisce about the time we have been in Asia so far. We shared conversations with depth we hadn't had in months. Made us both realize how valuable that is to have in our lives. It was so fun to just hand out and reconnect. God obviously knew we both needed it!

Although I was a zombie I managed to make it through the week. I didn't end up going to the bars this week, Sarah took my place, but she said that it went very well and a lot of the girls are starting to remember us and relationships are really being built! Yay! Yay for that. It is such a neat experience when you see one of them on their way to work and you can say hi and ask how they are doing and they remember you! It is amazing to see the impact that Rahab is able to make in the area of Patpong.

We had another Thai Craft fair on Saturday. It felt like the longest day ever, but I managed to make it through. We sold a lot of jewelry and the girls I went with are really growing in their confidence. They were able to help the customers and talk with them without my help. I was impressed with them. I sat back and watched for a lot of it. That is a good thing, you see, because they need to be able to do it on their own. If I chime in, they immediately give the whole conversation to me and they won't try, so I am learning to just answer questions and be there, only when necessary.

After the fair we went and dropped off all the jewelry back at Rahab. It was pouring so hard. There was 5 inches of water on the streets. It was the heaviest rain I had seen so far. We decided to brave it and walked out onto the sidewalk. It was almost covered in water as well.

I had always heard stories of the things that crawl up out of the drains when it rains, but this was my first experience. I looked down at one point and there were hundreds of cockroaches. Everywhere!!! Ahhh....I hate those things. Maybe it is the fact that they are so hard to kill, I dunno, but they totally make me freak out. When I was in Uganda I used to wake up with them laying on me, sitting on my pillow, or crawling across me. It was horrifying, to say the least. Now I just have an inability to cope with the creatures, so I started running. The girls thought I was hysterical until one of them realized that one had crawled up her pant leg. She freaked out worse than I did. It was good times. We just laughed at each other after that.

I enjoy every moment I get to spend with the girls. Even though there is such a language barrier, I just can't get over how unique and special each and every one of them are. They all care for me in different ways and know how to show it in a way that I totally understand. I have even gotten to the point where they can speak Thai to me the whole time and motion with their hands and I can speak English and it is like we are on the same page. This mutual understanding of each other has developed. I love it. It is such a special thing. I even sat with a 3 yr old tonight and we talked about superman for 30 min. Him in Thai, I in English. It was so cute. I honestly have no idea what he was really saying, but he uses sound effects and motions and occasionally says my name just to make sure I am listening. It is so amazing. He recently got a spiderman outfit, so he is all about the super heros. We have daily fights we he runs at us and stabs us with plastic swords and such. It is so funny. I have finally gotten down how to really act like I am dying when he stabs me. He takes his fights very seriously!

I ended up having one of the girls teach hair this week. It was an idea that stemmed from the fact that my shoulder was hurting me one day and that she is very talented and I felt they need to see that they can learn from each other to. I am not going to be "the foreigner that is the only one that can teach hair," nope, not having it. So, I asked her to teach, and although she hesitated for a bit, she finally caved.

The girls did better than ever with it. She could talk to them in thai and help them really understand how to twist the hair and make it work the way they needed it to. That is something that I can only show, I can't describe it well enough because the translator doesn't do hair...she has no clue what my terminology means. I loved watching her teach, she did a wonderful job. She hopes to own her own salon one day and I think that she would be really good at it.

Well, another week. I have 4 left...geez time flies. I am learning to live each day in the moment. Not think too far ahead. Enjoy the time that I have with them and not think too much about the future. Until next week.....

Frozen Fog and Lost in Korea....

Well I just arrived in Beijing. It was frigid! I think I slept 2 hours on the plane and they tried to feed us a meal at 2 this morning. Ahhh! I know that they want to break the flight up, but come on, who needs food at that time in the morning, let alone a whole dinner. I picked at my roll and my fruit and drifted off into sleep. I woke up to the loudspeaker informing us we were about to land. My neck had a serious crick in it. I was struggling to wake my mind up. Everything was fuzzy and I must have missed the whole part of the flight where you fill out those crazy forms for immigration purposes. I got off the plane to the shock of the 30 degrees. This was the first time I have worn a sweatshirt since I left Colorado. It definitely wasn’t enough. I was shaking, thinking all about Colorado and the recent blizzards and snowstorms they have been having. I might have said something about how I wasn’t sure I could go back! Seriously, after living in 90 degrees everyday, you start to feel cool even if the breeze blows your way. It is a bit ridiculous I know, but oh dear, I don’t know if I am looking forward to the chill of Colorado.

I should fill you in, I guess now that I think about it, not many of you know that I am traveling to South Korea today to visit a friend from Colorado. She is teaching English in Seoul and I was totally blown away that the opportunity to visit her presented itself. My visa for Thailand expires next week, so I had to leave the country no matter what, but I just happened to find a ticket that I could swing. It will be a treat for the both of us. To talk to a first language English speaker and someone that knows me. Let’s just say, I am beyond excited.

So after getting off the plane, I realized the airport was going to be a similar temperature. I am wearing sweat capris and the airline attendant point out to me that I was going to freeze. Too funny. I thought I would be fine, yeah, maybe not so much. Now, I am just typing in the cold. Brr…. So, I went through a series of customs, the usual. You all know probably a bit about airports, so I will spare you those details. Then, I notice that I have no gate number. No problem, this has happened before. So, I walk up to the desk and ask what my gate number is and the man proceeds to flip my ticket upside down and point to a series of letters and say “yeah, here.” huh? What?, those are all letter things, and all gates are a combination a letter and numbers(in the terminal I am in they all start with E). All I see is an I, backwards C, and upside down T. Oh right, yeah, makes complete sense. What language is that by the way. I was starting to wonder if they had a new way of writing Chinese characters. Okay, I said to the man. I felt beyond confused. I think he could tell, so he just pointed. Yeah, sure, pointing helps a lot there are only 60 gates, one of those has to be mine.

I decided at that point to find the screens that tell you departure times and arrivals. I at least had a flight number and a time it was leaving. I finally found one after wandering aimlessly for 15min. Yeah, so the direction he so politely pointed me in, not correct in any way. I was on the opposite side of the terminal. So, obviously the boarding pass turned upside down was an attempt that was no better than my own knowledge of where my gate was. I think I might have rolled my eyes a couple times, then proceeded to my gate.

This week was busy. I know, I know, I say that a lot, but it is crazy how busy you can stay all the time. I went to Loy Krathong on Monday. There were thousands of people worshipping the river. It was neat to see and a bit, well, it made you wonder who created this idea of a river god. They were bowing down at the edge of the river, offering it money and beautiful Krathongs, the little boat things with flowers and leaves woven into a small masterpiece. I will post pictures on facebook soon. Man, to see thousands of people though, thinking that this river would destroy them all if they didn’t offer up their money and Krathongs. I guess I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what kind of person could concoct such an idea. I mean that would take a lot of time, and what kind of power would you need to make everyone believe it. Weird, to say the least. They also offered different kinds of river animals to give back to the river. Turtles, eels, various fish, snakes, whatever they spent their whole week before fishing out, just to return. Now, I have to say what got me the most is, in the area I was in, there were men in the river taking the money off the Krathongs that people had just put in. They would literally shred these masterpieces searching for the money. Now, don’t get me wrong, they were probably making some serious money doing this, but it made me wonder, so if these people think this river god exists, then how does this make the river god feel. They are stealing the money that was an offering to him. I mean imagine, your sitting in church and the offering is being taken, and the guy next to you takes your offering out instead of putting it in. He isn’t even secretive about it. He practically is screaming and tearing the offering basket to pieces. What would you think? Just made me think a bit. Apparently these gods they so easily give their souls to seem to mean less to them than you would think.

Well, enough of that thought, the bars were good this week. As good as brothels go. I met a girl whose mother was the mama san. It caught me off guard. She introduced me too willingly. I had to hide the shock on my face. I mean, your own mother is the one who encouraged you to this life. Wow! I had some really good conversations though. Girls commented on the jewelry I was wearing and we were able to talk with them a bit about Rahab. They gave us their numbers and we, ours and we hope and pray that they will feel like there is hope for them. There were 3 girls, all had been there less than 6 months. One even had a 6 month old and was telling us she was only working there to provide for her family. Gosh, it is really heart breaking. You can feel the desperation. Hopefully a seed was planted, we will go back and visit again and see how they are doing.

I don’t know if I have mentioned before or not, but we have 6 new girls at Rahab that have joined us in the past 3 months. Other than the one I mentioned last time, they are doing really well. One of the new girls has found her niche in teaching the other girls how to crochet. She makes some incredible scarves and bags. She has been teaching the other girls how to do it and they are all doing really well! It is so neat to see them do really well at something and then thrive because of it. It builds their confidence in amazing ways.

Well, I just got lost in Korea for 3 hours. I am amazing I tell you. My friend Jackie even gave me great directions. I was within a block of her place the whole time…oh man! I am beat though, going to go catch her at the school she works at and enjoy a night on the town, so I have to end this for the day. I will catch you up on more soon. Hope you all have a good week!

Laura